Molting.

So this weird thing that happened in my lab recently: my boss hired his girlfriend as our tech. Hmmm. Seems like a bad idea right? Well, anyway, it’s working out fine, mostly because she’s super easy to talk to and sits next to me.

Another thing that’s happened, kind of a result of my transfer to official doctoral candidate process, is that I’m realizing that I’m not fulfilling any of my own standards for myself, specifically regarding my science. No papers, no teaching, no mentors that are particular impressed with my intelligence and skillz (though my bosses all seem pleased with me). This realization is made much more depressing by the fact that I actually had a pretty successful undergrad research career and now I feel like I have truly regressed.

So these two things combined, means that I had a heart-to-heart with our new tech (AKA the boss’s gf) about how everything is shit (some of this included poorly shielded complaints about the boss), and how I need to turn my PhD around. I also mentioned that a big aspect of doing this involves me not really listening to my boss so much. AWKWARD. Anyway, she was very understanding and supportive, which was nice. I guess I needed to vent. But really, I know everything I need to do, it’s just a matter of the tough process of shedding the old skin and coming out the beautiful butterfly I know I am (Ahem.). I think it’s list-making time. Three real things a day. Weekends off. Let’s go! One million things to do/3 = …

Oh also. Another thing that I’ve realized is that I spend a lot of my day consuming information. Reading books and papers, watching TV shows and documentaries. I really need to start producing things. Papers. Short stories. Whatever. I’m not picky. Quality over quantity is a fine adage, but so is beggars can’t be choosers. (AKA, producing something crappy at this point is better than not producing anything. (Especially for Mr. CV.)) I should at least try my hand at teaching… Maybe, though, I’ll just start trying to make 30 second videos for this blog. They’ll probably be about science.

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